i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
