im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
