The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
