Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I seem to have left my pride at pride
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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