could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
