before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
