he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
