i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
