maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
meet me or not, i'm out of control
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Randomize
