He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
is it fun? or sober?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
