Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
