Dual....:-)
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
