can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Randomize
