You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
