The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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