he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
