My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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