I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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