never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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