Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
