Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
