my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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