Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You pole danced in your parka.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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