i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
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