i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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