i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize