So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
