***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
