Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
