I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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