The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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