i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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