My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize