quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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