well I can't set my house on fire every night
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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