So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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