I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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