you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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