you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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