i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
ttyl tear gas
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
