I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
