tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
