why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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