I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize