Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
