normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
