Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
