absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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