Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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