You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
