Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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