Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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