I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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