Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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