Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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