Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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