You made me cry and you don't even care
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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