areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
