Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
True but thats because hes a fetus.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
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