we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Randomize
