How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
