went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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