I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
