Got a toothbrush?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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