i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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