So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
