I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
