your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
we're chasing vodka with high fives
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
It all started with a game of naked twister.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize