This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
