I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
