I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
