Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
