Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
