My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
This house was built for laser tag.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
