I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize