Me. At least after what I've been through.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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