upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
