This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
