It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
