How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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