oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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