Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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