i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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