I hate your face
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
